


burning cities and ocean eyes

by theyareneversatisfied



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula (Avatar) Redemption, How Do I Tag, Lack of Communication, M/M, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Sokka (Avatar)-centric, Sokka can firebend, i think i can call it a slow burn anyway idk this is the longest thing i've written, its uh angsty and then it gets happier i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyareneversatisfied/pseuds/theyareneversatisfied
Summary: Sokka discovers he is a fir- a firebend--a--well, he's not gonna say it, but its a problem.  Katara and Aang rush him to the Fire Nation, where Aang volunteers Zuko to train Sokka so he doesn't accidentally melt half of the South Pole when (if) he goes home.  Sokka doesn't think he can ever face his family again.  He really doesn't want anything to do with firebending, but he learns quickly it has the potential to be a powerful tool when faced with some unexpected challenges.  If he'll ever come to terms with his complicated relationship with fire is another question, but there might be someone around who has some answers for him there.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 52
Collections: Zukka Big Bang





	1. i'm clean out of air in my lungs, it's all gone

**Author's Note:**

> good morning, friends! i'm so excited to publish this but I am very, very new to writing for fandom, so if I made any mistakes tagging or summarizing or formatting, please let me know! My atla tumblr is @bluespiritrights and please feel free to message me there. Writing this has been a lot of fun and it's been a great way to get my mind off of some of the more stressful things going on in my life for a little bit. Enjoy, and please check out the rest of the zukka big bang collection! I seriously can't believe they let me write alongside such amazing fic authors!

Sokka had felt powerless many, many times in his life. It wasn’t exactly an unfamiliar feeling. His sister, his best friends, almost all of them were master benders. He was powerless. He was supposed to be powerless. But his igloo was melting around him and fire sparked away from his fingertips and Sokka had never felt more powerless. A tiny voice in the back of his head was laughing at the irony of it, but he didn’t have time to indulge in that. He had no idea how to control the flames that were licking at the remains of what had been his home, but he knew he had to, somehow, because as impossible as it seemed, it had come from him. He felt an unnatural heat growing with every breath he took, and as his panic grew, the flames rose higher. His hands felt like they should be burning, it was so hot, too hot, but the cold snowbank he tried to extinguish the fire burning around them in burned worse than the heat. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to see him, but the South Pole was not designed for fire. And he would never forgive himself if he hurt anyone. He took a deep breath, and then another, shakier one when the first one sent sparks along with the cloud of his breath as he exhaled, and then he yelled for Katara. He looked up at the sky, praying that by some miracle she would understand what was happening, or even better, that this was some nightmare-induced hallucination and she would wake him up and everything would be okay. Ice can’t burn, he thought, as another spurt of flames tore away from his clenched fist across the frozen ground, illuminating the village with orange shadows, this isn’t right, this can’t be real.

The look in Katara’s eyes when she came to a dead stand still in front of him said everything he needed to know. He knew how pitiful he sounded when he choked out, “Please help,” but it was all he could say. He was trying with all his might to stop the fire from growing around him, feeling his skin burn as he tried to fold into himself like it would stop the flames from leaping out. 

“Sokka, what’s happening?” Their dad’s voice carried over the crackling and all Sokka wanted to do was look away. He forced himself to look up and then wished he hadn’t. 

“I don’t—I don’t know,” he coughed, “please—” and then someone was screaming and there was smoke clouding his vision. His throat burned and he realized the screaming was him, and the smoke was Katara waterbending the flames away, and he felt like he was suffocating because he was mostly encased in ice. She was saying something to him, and Dad was trying to ask him something, but all he could hear was the blood rushing through his veins and the crackle of sparks as he struggled against the ice block Katara had put around him. Sokka knew it was to protect him and more importantly protect everyone from him, but everything the ice touched was in pain in a way that he usually would have described as being “on fire” but that didn’t seem right at the moment. “Look out!” Sokka managed to gasp as he snapped his arms free and a lash of fire came trailing out behind his right hand. Katara ducked out of the way and gracefully extinguished the rogue flame. Sokka watched it sizzle out and he almost didn’t notice Katara tying his hands behind his back, until his arms were weighed down by a heavy block of ice covering them. 

“I’m sorry, Sokka, I don’t want to hurt you,” she said, “it’s just--.” He simply nodded, head hung low. He heard Dad asking questions, and Katara responded to him in a low voice, but he didn’t look up until he felt the ground shake under the weight of Appa landing and Aang’s voice joined the conversation. Sokka looked up, panicked, and nearly fell over backwards when everyone recoiled from him in shock. “I’m sorry!” He could feel his hands burning again as the ice holding his arms in place melted and dripped into the snow behind him. 

“I don’t know—I don’t want to hurt anybody—please—I don’t know what’s happening—AHH!!” His whole body shook as his hands were once again pinned in a block of ice that hurt worse than the fire did. Everything after that was a blur, like the world was covered in a haze of smoke and pain. They must have been riding on Appa’s back, because the moon seemed closer than usual. Sokka turned away in shame. The world drifted in and out of focus. He felt like he was on fire.

The journey to the Fire Nation was a blur of days and nights. Sokka tried to stay asleep, as if by dreaming he could let himself believe that this was all some vast nightmare, some horrible fever dream. He woke up once to hear Katara crying into Aang’s shoulder, but he stopped trying to listen when he heard his name. Sokka had never been scared of what other people had thought of him before, but he hadn’t been a fireben—he hadn’t burned—he hadn’t hurt his family like this before. He had never seen them look scared of him before. (And he had never been so scared of himself before.) Too soon and not soon enough, the Fire Nation capitol was visible and then Sokka blinked and they were landing in the palace. He didn’t want Zuko to see him like this—I mean, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this really, but it hurt in way that he couldn’t put words to that Zuko of all people had to deal with Sokka’s problems now too. Before Katara could shake him awake, he rolled away from her and slid to the ground. He glanced her way but didn’t meet her eyes. Aang tried to put a hand on his shoulder as he reassured him that it was going to be okay, but Sokka flinched away from him. 

“Hey,” Aang said, his voice even softer, “you’re going to be okay. We’re going to find a way to help you and it’s going to be okay.” He sounded so genuine that Sokka wanted to believe him. He needed to believe him. So he shook his head in agreement, but he took another step away from him. Just in case. He was starting to feel warm again—too warm. And then it was there, sparks fizzling from his clenched fists as he tried to collapse into himself to stop it from getting out. 

“Katara?” It felt so wrong to beg for something that he knew was going to hurt so bad, but as long as his sister never found out how much it was hurting him it would be fine because she would be safe from him. He could feel his hands go numb beneath the ice covering them now, and he hoped it would be enough. He still felt like everything was too hot. Deep breath in, deep breath out. 

His breath caught in his throat when he looked up and Zuko was walking towards them. The expression on his face was a carefully practiced one of neutrality, but his eyes betrayed an eager curiosity. Aang of course greeted him with a hug and a blunt explanation of the situation, and Sokka felt himself involuntarily flinch at the word “firebending” when it followed his own name so closely. He jumped again when Katara helped him up and guided him towards the conversation, and he wrenched himself out of her grasp as soon as he could. He could feel the concerned stares of his friends, but he was struggling for words, so he stayed silent. 

“Sokka? Buddy? You’re awfully quiet,” Zuko started, carefully offering his hand, “would you like to walk with me and tell me what’s going on?” Sokka kept his arms crossed over his chest, but raised his chin to meet Zuko’s eyes and nod once. Zuko smiled, and Sokka couldn’t help but smile back a little bit. Even though it was a far more frequent occurrence now that they’d been able to let traumas of the past heal for some years, it still took him by surprise how Zuko’s whole face lit up when he smiled. They started walking, but Sokka couldn’t trust himself to say anything yet. It was getting harder to ignore the pain in his hands as the ice over them began to melt. He could feel the burning again. “Sokka?” Zuko’s voice was so gentle, and Sokka was almost angry at everyone treating him like he was so fragile, but he took a deep breath and reminded himself it was because they cared about him. “Sokka, I’m going to melt your, uh, ice handcuffs before they hurt you, is that okay?” 

Sokka let out a short exhale that might have almost been a contemptuous laugh. They’d already hurt him, so much, but he obediently held out his hands, but he hesitated a moment. “What if I hurt you?” Zuko took his hands and started warming the ice off of them, and took a long moment before leaning in just the slightest bit to answer. “You won’t. I promise.” Sokka wanted to ask “how can you be sure?” but the gravity of the other man’s answer prevented the question from leaving his mouth. There was a heaviness that had come over Zuko’s face as he looked at Sokka’s hands, and Sokka made himself look too. He’d been avoiding it, because it hurt less if he couldn’t see the angry red marks that covered his hands and forearms. It was obvious that it was going to scar, and Sokka noticed with more than a twinge of disappointment, one of the burns had crept up enough to mar the tattoos that covered most of his left arm. He pointed this out, a weak attempt at a joke. He wasn’t expecting the resulting tremble in Zuko’s voice when he asked him, “You’re hurt! Why didn’t you stop her?” 

“I asked her to. To stop me. I don’t know how--I was afraid I was going to burn—to melt the whole village.” He coughed a little, as if clearing cobwebs from his throat. He hadn’t said that many words at once in days. (a record for him, truthfully.) “I’d rather it be me than…” Sokka trailed off, letting the words hang in the air unspoken. An uneasy silence blossomed. Sokka was the one to break it. “I’m scared.” He whispered, and as if on cue, he felt a few degrees warmer. He tried to jump back, but Zuko was still holding on to him when a little cavalcade of flames danced out across his palm. “I’m sorry!” Sokka yelped, but Zuko didn’t seem upset at all. In fact, he seemed a little awestruck. He released his hold on Sokka’s arm and ever so carefully scooped up the fire that had settled in his hand, which was an immediate relief for Sokka, who nearly fell to the ground. Katara and Aang came running, but Zuko raised his hand motioning for them to stop before they reached them. He studied the flame in his other hand for a moment before letting it flicker out, and he stood up straighter, a practiced air of authority 

“Katara, Aang, thank you. Sokka is welcome to stay here, should he choose to,” he glanced at Sokka, who had taken a few unsteady steps away from everyone but looked up briefly at the mention of his name, “and I think this is the safest place for him at the moment,” he gestured vaguely at the still-imposing palace of the Fire Nation. Katara immediately bristled at the suggestion, but she didn’t have any solid objections beyond her own negative feelings towards the place. Despite the years that had passed since the end of the war, she always felt like she needed to be watching her back when she was in the Fire Nation, and the palace held some especially unpleasant memories. “I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay,” she said to Sokka, as if by not directly acknowledging Zuko’s statement she could make it less true. Zuko flinched subtly and hastily added, “Of course, Katara, you should stay too, if you want, I mean, you’re his sister, and Aang, you know you’re welcome to stay here whenever you want to, obviously, I didn’t mean to imply that you guys had to leave or anything—” He realized he was rambling. Aang stepped in, gently guiding everyone back towards calm again. He offered a careful hand to Sokka, who didn’t take it but did raise his eyes and stand up a little straighter. “Sokka, I don’t want you to feel pressured to stay here if you have a better idea, but I think Zuko is right about this being the safest place for you right now.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “And he’s a really good teacher.”


	2. sleepless nights, winless fights

Katara immediately objected, but Aang convinced her that it probably was for the best. 

“After all, Zuko trained me, Katara. Would you really want to trust anyone else?” 

“That’s a fair point, but what does Sokka want to do?” 

All eyes were suddenly on him and it was his turn to make a quick decision. He tried to meet Katara’s eyes but couldn’t. His arms were crossed, hidden under his jacket so she couldn’t see the scars she’d unknowingly caused. 

“I’m—I’m staying here.” He turned away and started walking, unsure of his destination but sure he needed to get away. He wished he could just walk away from the fire, but he didn’t know how to. This is the best way to protect everyone, he thought to himself, I have to keep my village safe from me before I do something else an apology can’t fix. It already seemed impossible to fix the magnitude of the problems he’d caused.

Sokka wanted to look back, he wanted to reassure Katara that he’d be fine, but the fact of the matter is that he didn’t know if he would be. So he kept walking. The Fire Nation palace was not the easiest place to navigate, but Sokka didn’t really care if he got lost. How much more lost could he get, anyway, right? The halls were empty, a small mercy. After wandering in a roundabout loop around the palace, he found a small courtyard that seemed untouched by human interference. Vines crept up the walls and flowers and weeds grew together to droop over the stone path that wound around a little pond in the center. He dropped his jacket by the gate and paced in circles around the pond a few times, but he stopped when he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the crystal clear water. His reflection stared back at him with tired eyes and a frown. His hair was starting to pull loose from his habitual wolftail, and angry red burns were splattered up his arms, distorting the tattoos that were usually the only thing covering them. 

He sat there for a long time, so long he didn’t even notice the sun sink beneath the horizon. Above him the moon was shining. Sokka turned his gaze from his reflection in the pond up to the sky, and there she was. Even all these years later, he still thought of Yue every time he looked at the moon. He sighed heavily and laid down on the still-warm stone path, staring up at the moon, bright even against the not fully darkened sky. He didn’t dare speak any of his thoughts out loud, but he imagined asking Yue what the spirits had against him. Didn’t they know he was just fine being a nonbender, his life had made so much more sense before this? Of course, the moon remained silent in the sky. 

Still, he stared at the night sky and gradually his racing thoughts began to slow. With the calm taking over him, he realized that he was actually in kind of a lot of pain from the burns on his arms, but if he laid very still, he could ignore it. He laid very still. He laid very still for a long while, watching the moon float across the inky expanse above him, noticing each constellation he knew complete a similar journey. It had been so quiet for so long that Sokka nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard soft footsteps in the hall outside the courtyard. He leapt to his feet, all of the calm from the last several hours disappearing like a dream. 

“There you are,” the Fire Lord himself said softly. Sokka didn’t know why exactly he felt like he’d been caught, but he definitely felt as if he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. Zuko didn’t say anything else right away, but he stepped into the courtyard, delicately picking up Sokka’s jacket on his way over. “We’ve been worried about you, you know.” 

Sokka cleared his throat and debated answering. He decided against it. Zuko stepped a little closer, close enough to hold out Sokka’s jacket to him. It wasn’t really cold, but Sokka did feel awfully exposed, and with the bundled jacket safely in his arms it felt like a shield. 

“Thanks,” he said so quietly it might have been a whisper. 

“Were you planning on staying out here all night?” Zuko asked. Sokka almost laughed at the barely concealed indignation in the question. 

“I was thinking about it,” he joked, but the mirth was fleeting. “I figured it’d be safer if I was, you know, away from people.” He sighed and turned away before he could see the pity he was sure would be plainly expressed on Zuko’s face. The moon was still shining impassively and Sokka focused his gaze on her. He still heard Zuko sigh, and he tried really hard not to flinch when Zuko took a step closer, and then failed because there were more footsteps from the direction of the door. Both men looked up in shock before relaxing a little bit when it was Suki and Katara who came into view.

“Sokka! There you are! Katara told me you were here and I almost didn’t believe her because I haven’t seen you all day--wait are you okay?” Suki had always been observant, and despite Sokka’s shifting the balled up parka nervously in front of him, he knew the burns on his arms were still visible, even in the dark. 

“Uhm. Yeah, I’m here, hi, sorry. Can we maybe talk later? It’s kinda late, and uh, it’s been a rough day, and--” He didn’t really know how to get out this, or why he was trying to talk his way out of talking to one of his very best friends, but he did know he  _ really  _ didn’t want to have to explain how he got the burns. “How much did you tell her, Katara?” He tried to look around subtly to see if there was another exit, and luck seemed to be on his side. It looked like there was another gate across from the one everyone had entered through. Before he could make a dash for it though, he felt a hand gently squeeze his arm, and he turned to see Zuko give him the tiniest shake of his head as if to say, “choose your battles.” Sokka let his shoulders fall and gave a resigned sigh. “It’s been a rough day,” he repeated. He dropped his parka on the ground and then sat down heavily, staring blankly ahead, not trusting himself to look at his friends and certainly not his sister. 

The tears didn’t start falling until Katara was kneeling next to him, healing his arms, and he could hear her breath hiccup, a telltale sign she was crying and trying hard not to. He could hear Suki asking what happened, but no one answered. 

Katara was even more careful than she usually was when she was healing, and she just kept saying “I’m sorry” over and over. Sokka didn’t answer and just kept staring stonily ahead. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Katara finally asked him. “Why did you let me hurt you?” Without looking at her, Sokka answered. 

“It was my fault. And it kept you safe, so.” He shrugged as if it was obvious. It was, to him.

“You’ve spent your whole life trying to keep me safe, Sokka. It won’t kill you to let me--let us--keep you safe.” 

“Keep me safe? I’m the danger here!” Sokka stood up and shook Katara’s hand off his shoulder. Katara grabbed him and turned him to face her. 

“The only person you’re a danger to right now is yourself, and if you would just--” but Sokka didn’t want to stick around for a lecture. 

He pushed past her and ran into the halls, even less sure where he was going now that it was almost entirely dark inside. He heard Suki and Zuko calling his name, and Katara yelling at him to get back there, but he kept going. He was starting to feel the telltale prickle of heat welling up in his chest, and that encouraged him to go faster, running blindly down the hall. He heard their footsteps behind him now, and he rounded a corner, hoping it would lead to somewhere he could hide. He didn’t see the Kyoshi warriors patrolling the other hall until it was too late, and now he had five pursuers. They certainly slowed down when they saw Zuko and Suki chasing after him, but nonetheless this had just gotten a lot harder. 

He ran into a larger, more open hall, but before he could pick a new direction, the warriors blocked the new exit and he was left staring down an angry Katara, a confused Suki, and an unreadable Zuko. 

“Please,” he started, panic starting to creep into his voice in spite of himself, “just let me go, I don’t want to hurt anybody.” Suki stepped forward. 

“What are you talking about, Sokka?” Sokka winced and held his hands out in front of him, both as a gesture to get her to stop moving closer and because he had a plan. Katara saw the look in his eyes and moved into defense mode, reaching for her pouch of water. It was too late though. Sokka took a deep breath and closed his fist, trying to emulate what he’d seen Zuko and Aang do hundreds of times, and sure enough, flames came roaring to life, and he felt a sick kind of relief as the world seemed to be a normal temperature again. Everyone in his path had to dodge out of the way of the flames he’d thrown at them, so he ran again. 

“I’m sorry!” he yelled as he ran past them through the now open doorway. He heard Suki remark, “that’s new,” sounding rather dazed. Zuko sounded equally surprised when he responded “You wouldn’t know it though. Did you see that?” 

Sokka recognized where he was in the palace now, and he quickly navigated himself out the front door, down across the long promenade, and into the city proper. He ducked into an alley and stopped to catch his breath. He was kind of horrified with himself for using firebending against his friends. I didn’t actually use it against them, he thought, I don’t actually know what I’m doing enough to do that. He’d certainly watched plenty of firebending before, and sat in on plenty of firebending lessons, but that was before he knew he might need to know how to use it one day. Maybe that was the problem, he realized. He didn’t know enough about it, and that’s what made him so dangerous and unpredictable. If he knew more, he would be able to control it. This was an obvious answer, and it was why he had been brought to the Fire Nation, in fact, but the idea of burdening Zuko with this [or even of having anyone he knew see him struggle with something that he really shouldn’t be] just felt horrible. (And embarrassing.) 

So, Sokka started planning. There was still a decent amount of time until morning, but for once in his life he didn’t think he could sleep. He made a mental checklist of things to look for and then started sneaking his way towards the library. He knew that by the time the sun rose, half the city would probably be looking for him. And sunrise was coming. He had to avoid several messengers wearing the royal insignia, and shopkeepers were starting to prepare for the day. Finally he made it to the library, and although it wasn’t open yet, he walked right up to the back door and knocked cautiously. Not hearing an answer, he tried the handle, and sure enough, it was open. He slipped inside and made his way past the section that was normally his favorite one to visit and over to the cupboard that held all the bending scrolls. He dumped every firebending scroll he saw into a basket and then sequestered himself in a hard-to-find corner that had been one of his favorite studying places when he had frequented this library. He’d had a brief apprenticeship in the city a few years ago, and the library had become the only place he could go to work on things without distractions. Zuko had, of course, offered him plenty of places in the palace, but Zuko was a distraction, so that wouldn’t have worked very well. Sokka wondered, looking back on it, if Zuko realized that he was the reason Sokka had refused. It didn’t matter now though. He pushed it from his mind and focused on the firebending scrolls, gathering every scrap of information that he could. The sun rose, and the library opened, and no one noticed Sokka. 

He had made his way through half of the basket when a hush fell over the already quiet library. He looked up, expecting to see someone looking for him. As quietly as he could, he put all the scrolls back in the basket and started creeping towards the cupboard they’d come from. The sight that greeted him when he peeked around the corner was pretty high on the list of Things He Was Not Expecting. Dread crept into his throat and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 


	3. the villains on my list

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka tugged at his jacket sleeves self-consciously. “I don’t trust you, remember?” 
> 
> "That's fair, I suppose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your patience with me! i know this one is a little short, but bear with me <3

Azula was perusing the stacks, two Kyoshi warriors guarding her very closely. The calm Sokka had managed to find in the previous hours was definitely gone. She seemed totally focused on the bookshelves, but she was getting closer and closer to the pillar Sokka was now hiding behind. She rounded the corner and went into the next aisle, and Sokka was inhaling because he had forgotten to breathe when she walked past, when-- “You know it’s rude to stare.” She looked directly at him. 

“I’m not staring,” he said indignantly, “I’m observing, because I don’t trust you.” 

Azula tossed her hair. “Not many people do.” 

The Kyoshi warriors exchanged a look with each other at this. Sokka followed her--at a safe distance--as she continued walking. “What are you doing here anyway?” 

She seemed almost insulted by the question, but answered anyway, “I’m looking for a book. What are you doing here? Practically the entire palace is looking for you, you know.” Sokka winced. 

“I know.” 

In a flash of sudden realization, he looked first at her and then at each of her guards. “You haven’t told anyone I’m here, have you?” 

Azula tilted her head as if she was considering announcing his presence to the entire library. “I haven’t,” she looked at her guards for confirmation that they hadn’t either, “but I can if you’d like.” 

Panic entered his voice even though he tried not to let it as he practically cut her off, “Please don’t! I really don’t want anyone to know I’m here.” Azula laughed a little, and the sound was still a little bone-chilling. “Typical older brother. Running away from your problems. Zuko never learned either--that’s not going to fix it.” 

“I’m not running away!” Sokka spluttered, “I’m doing research! That’s what libraries are for, you know. It’s just a coincidence that they’re also excellent hiding places.” 

Azula glanced pointedly at the scroll Sokka had been gesturing with. “Researching firebending?” 

Sokka was at a loss for words. He scrambled to come up with an excuse, but nothing came to mind and the terrifying woman in front of him seemed more than willing to wait. Finally, after an uncomfortable silence, he just closed his mouth and nodded. Azula’s face scrunched into a confused expression that seemed much more at home on Zuko. Sokka had never considered that she could be unsure. She lowered her voice even quieter than the already quiet library voice they’d been speaking in. “Why? Does it have anything to do with those recently healed burns on your hands?” 

Sokka tugged at his jacket sleeves self-consciously. “I don’t trust you, remember?” 

Azula sighed, another mannerism that reminded Sokka of Zuko so much it seemed unnatural coming from Azula. 

“That’s fair, I suppose.” She selected a book, and then walked briskly away, ending the conversation. Sokka had no idea what to make of what just happened, but he did know that he probably should leave the library. He snuck out the same way he came in, even though he probably wouldn’t have drawn any attention leaving through the front door. It seemed like too big a risk. The world seemed a little more unstable now that he knew Azula was just walking around like--like she was the Princess of the Fire Nation.

As he tried to figure out his next move, he realized the lack of sleep was finally getting to him. The sun was high in the sky, and he was really tired. The colors seemed too loud and the voices in the crowd blurred together. Sokka heaved a sigh and started making his way back towards the palace. As stymied as he was by the encounter with Azula, he had to admit she was right about the whole running away not fixing things. And he had gained a little bit of useful knowledge from the scrolls he’d read. He desperately hoped it would make more sense after a nap. “Sokka!” It took a minute for him to register the voice calling his name. “Sokka! You’re okay! I was so worried!” Aang landed his glider and fell into step beside him. “Everybody’s gonna be so glad to see you! We’ve been looking for you all day.” Aang sounded cheery and matter-of-fact, like he usually did, but Sokka could tell he was gently probing for answers. “I’m sorry,” Sokka offered, wishing he could say it enough times. “Really, I am.” 

Aang asked him what happened, and Sokka was almost ready to tell him, but then they were back at the palace, and the events of the previous night snapped into perspective with a terrifying clarity. “I’m not in trouble, am I?” At this, Aang looked a little concerned. 

“Of course not! Why would you ask that?” 

“Well,” Sokka started hesitantly, “I sort of maybe inadvertently attacked Suki and Katara and Zuko when I was trying to avoid a, um, conversation, and I think that’s probably, uh, sort of, illegal, ‘cause, you know, Zuko’s the Fire Lord and uh,” he trailed off. Aang had the audacity to laugh. Sokka felt a little insulted. 

“Sokka, we were all just worried about you being okay! I know that this is really hard for you, and they know that too. Firebending is--” 

“Please don’t say it.” 

“What?” 

“Uh,” Sokka said, “please don’t say I’m a--a--look, Aang, I’m from the Southern Water Tribe. This doesn’t make any sense! I shouldn’t be--I didn’t ask--” 

Sokka wanted nothing more than to storm off again. He knew that he was having a tantrum that was very immature, and it was unfair of him to complain to the avatar, of all people, but people don’t just become firebenders in their twenties. Nonbenders don’t just suddenly become benders. It just defied logic, and of course the universe had to pick him for this stupid fluke. He felt a lot younger than his years, and out of his depth like he had during the war. “It’s just not fair,” he mumbled. 

Aang opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, and then quickly shut it and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, and when Sokka didn’t immediately shake him off, he gave him a quick hug. Sokka froze a little, but reminded himself that it was Aang, the avatar, and nothing bad was going to happen. It was only a moment, but he’d been so focused on the brief contact that he hadn’t noticed the appearance of the others. Katara was marching towards him with so much intensity that he was thoroughly shocked when Suki slipped around her and got to Sokka first. 

“You’ve got some explaining to do, buddy.”


	4. who am i kidding? i'm my own biggest villain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I never wanted to hurt you either,” Katara said, “But if you won’t talk to me I can’t help you.”
> 
> “Then don’t.” Sokka stood. “The farther you are from me, the safer you’ll be. Let me fix this myself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise things start getting better soon i'm so sorry <3

Sokka tried to avoid her piercing gaze. “Can we have this conversation somewhere else?” He nodded towards the interior of the palace. Even though there was no one around them, it still felt too public. Sokka was rapidly trying to formulate a plan for what to say, how to explain himself, but he didn’t have any answers for himself, but less answers he could give Suki. Or anyone. Suki was still watching him closely, sizing him up like he was an opponent. Which he had been, yesterday, to be fair. Katara was standing at Suki’s right with her arms crossed, her eyes also trained on Sokka. She was the one who answered him.

“Only if you decide to stay put and actually  _ have a conversation _ ,” she said, and although her tone was light, it was light in the way that sunshine reflecting off ice is. Sokka suppressed a wince. 

“I’m sorry,” he said simply. 

“That’s it?” Katara asked, dangerously quiet. “You pull  _ that  _ and vanish all night and all you say to explain yourself is ‘sorry?’” 

Sokka wanted to snap back at her, but he was so tired that it didn’t seem worth the effort. She was going to be angry at him for a while no matter what. “Can we just do this somewhere that’s not right here, please?” He glanced around to see if his friends were going to move, and for a horrible moment it seemed like they weren’t, but then Aang started walking. 

“We should go inside,” he said with a slightly forced brightness, “Zuko wanted me to let him know as soon as Sokka was back anyway, so we should do that.” Aang practically ran up the stairs into the hallway, and everyone followed him closely. Sokka had the sinking realization that he was surrounded now--not that it mattered, since he wasn’t planning on running again--and he took a deep breath. Or he tried to. Midway through, it turned into a giant yawn. Behind him, Suki and Katara exchanged a look. 

They had stopped in front of a large door, and Sokka would have bumped into Aang if Katara hadn’t tugged on the back of his coat to get him to stop. He was practically falling asleep standing up, but somehow that didn’t stop him from being incredibly nervous about the conversation to come. Aang was having an exchange with the guards at the door that Sokka couldn’t quite catch, but he was pretty sure he heard his own name mentioned. He looked down, studying the tops of his boots and trying in vain to come up with some kind of explanation. His train of thought got bumped off the track when he got herded into the room and Zuko’s arms were around him. 

“Sokka! Are you okay? I was worried, you were gone all night--” Sokka stepped back and looked at him quizzically. 

“You were worried about me? I kind of--I uh--” he stopped, realizing that he’d been about to say that he shot fire at him, which was was ridiculous for several reasons, the first being that Zuko was in fact a firebender and wasn’t exactly in danger from that and the second being that the notion of Sokka shooting fire at anyone was ridiculous, except that it wasn’t because that’s what had happened. Finally, he just settled on apologizing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean--I didn’t want to--” he was still fumbling for words. He didn’t see any chairs around so he sat down hard on the floor right where he had been standing and held his head in his hands. Immediately, everyone rushed to him, Zuko kneeling in front of him with a hand on his knee, Aang crouching on one side and Katara on the other, and Suki leaning over his shoulder. They were all asking him if he was okay, their voices overlapping so much that he couldn’t tell what they were saying. He just sat there and let his eyes close, until the voices around him got more and more insistent, and someone was shaking his shoulders.

“I’m fine!” Sokka snapped. “I’m fine. I’m just tired. And I’m sorry.” He looked up. “I never wanted to hurt you guys.”

“I never wanted to hurt you either,” Katara said, “But if you won’t talk to me I can’t help you.”

“Then don’t.” Sokka stood. “The farther you are from me, the safer you’ll be. Let me fix this myself.” He knew his sister well enough to know that his words were hurting her, but he’d rather her be angry at him than be physically injured. Sure enough, Katara’s expression revealed exactly the reaction he’d expected. She met his gaze--a challenge-- and he stared back unyielding until she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. Aang looked at Sokka and nodded, unreadable, and then followed Katara.

After a long, uncomfortable silence, Suki spoke up. “So when were you planning on telling me you’re a firebender?” Sokka sat back down on the floor. 

“I wasn’t. Because I’m not. I just have to--” 

Zuko cut him off. “Sokka.” 

“What?” Sokka shot back. Zuko let out a sigh that was almost a laugh, but when he spoke, his voice was gentle. “Denying it isn’t going to make it go away.” 

“I’m not denying it!” Sokka practically shouted. “I’m not. I can’t--” He felt little dots of heat prickling up, and tried to get his breathing under control, remembering how one of the scrolls had made a lot of connections between fire and the breath.

“Sokka, it’s okay,” Suki tried to comfort him, “I mean, it’s okay if you are, I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“Welcome to the club,” Sokka said drily. He was relieved to find that as he got his breathing under control, the heat faded away. He craned his neck to turn towards Suki. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone. I’m gonna figure out what’s going on and I’m gonna fix it and everything’ll go back to normal and nobody needs to know, okay?” He reached a hand back until he found the wall behind him and then scooted close enough he could lean against it. He slumped against the wall, eyes drifting shut. “I’m not a--. I’m not.” he repeated, mostly to himself.

“Sokka.” Zuko’s voice was warm, and so were his hands as he lifted Sokka to his feet. “We can talk about it later, okay? You need some rest.”

Sokka woke up suddenly in pitch blackness, except for a handful of sparks glowing in his fist. He suppressed a yell and rolled rather gracelessly off of an unfamiliar bed, crashing to the floor in a tangle of sheets. The sparks fluttered out, only for him to jump to his feet in a panic when the torches by the door whooshed to life. They illuminated the door swinging open, and the panic faded a little as he recognized Zuko in the doorway. Whatever nightmare had woken him was already becoming ephemeral in his memory, but he couldn’t shake the image of himself surrounded by fire that he could still almost feel against his palms. 

Zuko was looking around the room, like he was expecting to see an attacker, but the only thing attacking Sokka at the moment was an unfriendly little emotion called shame. As his actual nightmare faded into oblivion, the nightmare that was currently his reality was coming back to him. He couldn’t believe that he’d been so horrible to his sister, or that he’d done firebending  _ on purpose _ just to avoid talking about it to his friends. And--oh no. 

“Sokka, are you okay?” Zuko had taken a tentative step towards him, but was still hovering in the doorway, not really inside or outside of the room.

“How did Azula get out?” Sokka blurted out. He regretted it instantly. Just another thing to add to the list of recent mistakes, he thought. “Actually, nevermind. It was probably just part of the nightmare. Uh, I’m fine. Just a bad dream, about you know, the day of the comet and all that. Sorry to bother you.” He tried to untangle himself from the sheets that were still twisted around his feet, and felt a little bit sick to his stomach when he found scorch marks on them that matched his hands. “What time is it?” he asked, in a tone he hoped was casual. He heard the door click shut, and he finally looked up. 

The torches flickered out as Zuko’s footsteps rushed down the hallway. Sokka figured he’d struck a nerve mentioning Azula, which was fair. Azula had seemed harmless enough when he’d encountered her in the library, but he knew better than to trust her, and he was sure Zuko did too. He laid back down, but waited awhile, staring into the dark, before he tried to sleep again. Even when he did try to let his eyes close, his mind was jumping around from Azula to Katara to Suki to his dad to firebending to Aang to Zuko and he couldn’t help but toss and turn. 


	5. it was real enough to get me through

After what felt like simply a blink, Sokka was wide awake again. Sunlight was streaming in through the window, and the sun was burning through the morning haze so intensely that the air outside was practically shimmering. He still felt heavy with exhaustion, but his mind was already painfully alert. He ran through his options for how to deal with today, and every single one of them sounded absolutely terrible. Katara and Aang were mad at him, Suki was probably mad at him for sending her off to run his errands without anything close to a satisfying explanation, now Zuko was mad at him because he brought up Azula, who was out in the city and that was a confrontation he didn’t want to have. He didn’t even let himself think about the whole fire thing. 

If he didn’t think about it, maybe it wouldn’t be a problem. That sounded stupid even in his head. Sokka stumbled to the window, squinting into the sun for just long enough to close the ornate curtains that were probably supposed to be decorative rather than functional. The heavy curtains didn’t quite cover the entire window, but they cast shadows over the half of the room that the bed was in. Sokka flopped back onto the bed and cocooned himself in the mess of sheets, covered his head with a pillow, and tried to sleep again. 

It didn’t work. He laid there in the dark, wide awake, lost in thought, for what could have been minutes or hours. Every so often, he thought he heard footsteps and muffled voices outside his door, but they never seemed to linger. He still tensed up every time he heard them, careful to keep his breathing regular to make it seem like he was asleep. 

How was it, he wondered, that a day seemed so short when you were busy, and so unbearably unending when you were trying to do nothing? 

Eventually, he did fall asleep again. This time when he awoke, it was thanks to his stomach growling. He sat up, and had to steady himself as the room seemed to spin a little. The long shadows stretching away from the window confirmed that it was indeed time for supper, but the thought of leaving the room and asking someone for food seemed daunting. However, the thought of going without food for the rest of the day was even more daunting, so he found himself cracking the door open to check to see if there was anyone in the hallway. The coast was clear. 

He racked his brain for any clues as to where the kitchen might be, pushing past the memory of panicked running through the palace the other night and trying to remember details. Luckily for him, even if the logical part of his brain hadn’t seemed to be functioning then, it had at least remembered important things, so he straightened his spine, plastered a smile on his face, and marched directly to the kitchen.

The kitchen staff consisted of a delightfully eclectic group of people, and Sokka was just as charmed by them as they seemed to be with him. It was easy to pretend everything was normal when he was joking about spicy food. (Well, more like joking about how he couldn’t handle spicy food. As long as it made people laugh.)

If they knew the reason for his visit to the Fire Nation, they gave no indication of it. He ended up walking back to his room long after the sun had slipped below the horizon, a cup of tea still steaming in his hands. The echoes of laughter mingled with the sounds of water splashing in the sink as the kitchen crew finished up dishes, and his frayed nerves were almost forgotten. 

Unwilling to disturb the peace of mind he’d found this evening, he ignored the parchment scroll at his door beyond setting it on the desk in his room unopened. He locked the door behind him and sat at the window, staring at the moon, sipping his tea. Long after the cup was empty and had gone cold in his hands, he stared up at the night sky, unasked questions floating on the tip of his tongue. He bit them back and closed the curtain as much as he could, retreating to the safety of the dark room. No moonlight, no firelight, no more inexplicable things.

Sokka was able to avoid inexplicable things, like firebending and former princesses, for several more days. Nights were a different story. He kept waking up sweating, surrounded by the smell of smoke, and choking down screams. Sometimes they were normal nightmares, the ones he’d had since he was a teenager. Those still hurt, but the ones that kept him awake were the ones where he could  _ feel _ himself burning. 

The worst one was the one where he was the one who came crashing through his village’s wall in a Fire Nation ship, and he burned right through the younger version of himself, Katara, and Aang without stopping. Despite the snow on the ground, all he would feel was the blast of hot air shimmering against his cheek as he laid the village out, steam rising from what had been homes. He’d awoken from that one with a mote of fire still smoldering in one hand, and his other grasping for a boomerang that wasn’t there. 

He hadn’t slept since that one, even though it was now approaching the wee hours of the morning. He was, in fact, sitting in the bathtub, his pajamas floating loosely in the water around him. In the absence of a water bender, the bathtub seemed the safest place to try to sleep without burning down the palace, and after the last attempt at sleeping, well. This seemed best. The harder Sokka worked at avoiding fire, the more it seemed to appear around him. But facing things head on without a plan was not something he was good at, and all his plans had fallen to pieces around him. So. That was why he was crying in the bathtub.

The universe was apparently done with him wallowing in self-pity though, because there was a knock at the door, and then before he could answer, the telltale creak of the heavy door swinging open. Sokka quickly wiped his eyes and craned his neck to try to see who it was without sloshing the water too much. He would have to cross the room to get a towel and he definitely hadn’t thought his plan out past the fire not working in the bathtub thing. He saw a flash of red robes, and thought he heard a whispered conversation, but his heart was pounding and suddenly everything seemed very far away and all too close at the same time.

“Hey! There you are,” Zuko’s voice cut through the noise in Sokka’s mind, and the owner of said voice appeared in the doorframe. The Fire Lord had an uncharacteristic blush adorning his face as he took in the sight of Sokka in slightly singed, soaking wet pajamas, sitting as casually as he could muster in the bathtub of a completely dark room, apart from the light coming in from the window of the attached bedroom. 

“Oh,” he stuttered, “uh, I wanted to talk to you but, if you’re, um. Busy? I mean, what are you doing? I--” 

Sokka was, for once, just as short on coherent things to say, so he let Zuko struggle a little longer than was perhaps kind. As much as he desperately wanted to make a joke and play it off somehow, his focus was entirely taken up with the temperature of the water growing uncomfortably hot as he, in a panic, realized he was accidentally doing the firebending thing. 

“Hold that thought please!” Sokka squeaked out, voice cracking like he was a kid again, as he tried to stop. He couldn’t though, and his shame seemed magnified tenfold by Zuko’s presence. Granted, he didn’t want anyone to know he was a firebender, or a failure at it, but it seemed worse somehow that it was  _ Zuko _ . 

Zuko had seen Sokka through some of the most difficult times in his life, and their friendship had always come out intact. He was afraid though, that that was only true because they’d been facing down the same problem, together. This--whatever this was--was something that was fundamentally shaking Sokka’s sense of self. It seemed unfair to make anyone deal with something that Sokka realized deep down was something he could only reconcile himself. He was supposed to be the non-bender,the leader, the funny one, logical one who had a plan and a joke for everything. That was definitely the opposite of where he was at right now. And he had a sinking feeling he would never be there again. Currently, Sokka was scrambling out of the bathtub like it was a skybison’s mouth, water sloshing across the floor and steaming off of him. He started across the room to grab a towel, only to realize he didn’t really need one, nor would he be able to grab one anyway because his hands were smoldering again. 

“Shit!” He exhaled, hands shaking. WIthout any conscious prompting, his feet started carrying him in a little loop around the room, frantically pacing. “Shitshitshit not again,” he muttered under his breath as a little flame sprang to life in his palm. 

He held the offending hand out in front of him, distancing himself as much as he could and praying to anyone who would listen. He braced himself for the fire to grow, eyes squeezed shut. The moment he shut his eyes, scenes from his nightmares filled his vision like they were etched there from the night before. His eyes shot open again, just in time to see Zuko reaching for Sokka’s outstretched hand. Without thinking, Sokka started to jerk away, afraid to burn him. 

“Hey,” Zuko spoke quietly, “it’s okay.” Sokka twisted around and met Zuko’s eyes, a poisonous retort dying in his throat as his panic outweighed his pride. Not trusting himself to speak, Sokka gave a tiny nod, and hoped it was enough. “You’re going to be okay,” Zuko reassured him. “Just breathe, okay?” 

Sokka hadn’t realized that he’d barely been breathing, and drew in a long, shuddering breath. His eyes flicked back to the flame for a split second, and then they were back on Zuko, watching the shadows flickering across his face. Zuko ever-so-carefully cupped his hands underneath Sokka’s so they were both supporting the flame burning wildly from Sokka’s palm. It was only then Sokka looked down at their hands and dared to look at the flame he was creating. He had to admit, it was mesmerizing. 

But it was mesmerizing in the way a tragedy is, he thought, mesmerizing because it was something so clearly out of place. As he stared so intensely at the flame the rest of the room became pinpricks of darkness, his breathing evened out. 

“You’re doing great.” Zuko’s voice, low as it was, nearly shocked Sokka out of his reverie. “Now, fire comes from the breath, so, we’re just gonna breathe and let it go, okay?” He nodded at the fire between them. Sokka nodded once, hesitantly, but he didn’t really know what to do. He looked up and opened his mouth to speak, but his expression must have been enough, because Zuko beat him to it. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but please trust me, okay?” There was a moment’s silence, and then Zuko added, barely above a whisper, “Please let me help you.” 

There was nothing else Sokka could do, so he kept breathing in time. He didn’t know what exactly he was supposed to be feeling, but he closed his eyes and tried. The fire in his palm was hot, shifting across his skin like running water. Zuko’s hands were brushing against his knuckles, and Sokka was surprised by how delicate his touch was. He wanted to dwell on that, but it seemed like a weird thing to notice right now. He hadn’t noticed how tense his shoulders were until now, and he sighed and let them fall. His hand settled into Zuko’s a little more. The fire in his palm seemed calmer, but was still burning brightly when he opened his eyes. 

“Why isn’t it gone?” Sokka whispered, shifting his weight forward and focusing his gaze on it as if he could stare down the flame like a misbehaving pet. It did seem to diminish a little under his scrutiny, but that could have been his imagination. Fire was a moving, practically living thing, sort of immeasurable in any meaningful way except it’s relationship to other things. In a twisted way, it made sense after all. 

The pieces finally clicked together in his mind. Sokka himself was measured only by his relationships to other people--Aang, the literal Avatar, Zuko, the literal Fire Lord, Toph, literally the greatest earthbender in the world, and even in his family Katara was the bending prodigy, a master bender who trained the Avatar as a teenager. Even Suki, who he’d been on more even footing with as another nonbender, had the Kyoshi Warrior thing going for her, and it was Sokka who had always felt like he gained more from the relationship. 

For a horrible moment, he wondered if he’d been used as a tool by his friends, only as helpful as the campfire they’d shared so many meals over. He found the ghost of a smirk tug at his mouth as he realized he could be the literal campfire now, if he wanted to be. Not that they really went travelling around on Appa camping in the woods much anymore, but it was pretty funny to picture himself sitting in the place of the fire, holding whatever they were cooking in his lap in a pile of flames. 

He let out a little exhale that wasn’t quite a laugh, but was certainly close. When he inhaled again, he felt a sort of burning-not-burning under his ribs and the fire in his palm dissipated into nothingness. He looked up at Zuko, surprise and relief written across his face in a lopsided grin. Zuko smiled back, and squeezed Sokka’s hand once before letting go and stepping back. They both stood there for a moment with sheepish grins, not really knowing what to say. Sokka’s grin faded a little and he sat heavily on the bench in the corner.

“Thank you.” He broke the silence. In response, Zuko only nodded and looked down, letting the silence settle back into the room. Sokka wanted to say something--he needed to say  _ something _ \--but the words refused to come out. The jumbled thoughts tying themselves up in dizzying knots inside his head evaded every attempt he made to unscramble them. So he sat in silence, counting every measured breath he took. After what felt like an eternity, he lost count and looked up to see Zuko watching him intently. 

“Are you okay?” Zuko asked. “You’re really quiet.” Sokka sighed and slouched further into the corner. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted, “I don’t know.” He paused to sigh again before continuing. “I’m sorry.” At this, Zuko looked taken aback. 

“What for?” Sokka knew that should have made him feel better, but instead a wave of guilt rippled over him. 

“I don’t know,” he said, “everything? I’ve just been causing problems! I shouldn’t be like this, I shouldn’t be  _ here--”  _

“I’m glad you’re here.” Zuko cut him off. The statement seemed to have slipped out of his mouth before his brain had time to catch it, because his eyes went wide and he sat up abruptly. “I mean, I’m glad you decided to stay--I just--you’ve done so much for me and I just want to be able to help you too?” Sokka smiled in spite of himself as Zuko rambled. In the half-light of the sun slowly creeping over the horizon, he thought he could see the tiniest hint of a blush coloring Zuko’s face. 

Sokka just nodded. The reassurance, as genuine as it was, didn’t seem to sink all the way in, even though Sokka wanted to believe so badly. He let his head tip back and rest against the wall, and before he knew it, his eyelids grew heavy and he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....and things are finally starting to happen  
> please pardon any mistakes and please know if you're reading this ily and appreciate u so much!!!


	6. the fire that you started in me

Sokka woke up in his bed, an unsinged blanket tucked around him. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he hadn’t dreamed, nightmare or otherwise. Unless maybe the vague recollection of Zuko carrying him from the floor up onto the bed was a dream, but since he was in fact, no longer on the floor, it seemed likely that had actually happened. After dressing, he glanced at the scrolls accumulated on his desk and figured it would be easier to face them with some food in his stomach, so he started to head to the kitchen. He didn’t make it more than halfway down the hallway before Zuko appeared.

“I figured you’d want breakfast when you woke up,” Zuko said.

Sokka murmured a thanks and took the proffered tray. They walked in silence back to Sokka’s room. While Sokka ate, Zuko informed him of what had been going on recently, tactfully avoiding mentioning Sokka’s firebending escapades. Sokka hadn’t realized how much he’d missed. He really should open those letters on his desk, he thought, but then he’d have to answer them, and he had no idea what to say. He said as much, and Zuko reassured him that he didn’t have to answer right away if he didn’t want to.

“I do have a question though,” Zuko began, “Do you think you’re ready to start learning firebending?”

Sokka felt the color drain from his face.

“It’s okay if you’re not!” Zuko added quickly, “I just thought maybe--after you--yesterday--maybe you might want to try.”

“I don’t know,” Sokka said, “Maybe, if it’s just you, but--” he lowered his head. “Zuko, I’m scared.”

“Would it be better or worse if someone else trained you?” Zuko asked. “You can be honest--I won’t be upset.”

It would be worse, it would be so much worse, and Sokka knew it in an instant of consideration.

He was about to answer, when he heard an impatient knock at the door. Without waiting for an answer, the door swung open and he heard fabric swish imperiously and then--

“Zuko! I’ve been waiting for--”

“Zuko! What the hell is  _ she  _ doing here--”

“Azula! What did I tell you about just barging in on people--”

Azula shot an icy glare at Sokka. “I live here. I wasn’t aware that  _ you  _ were apparently also living here.” It wasn’t phrased like a question, but Sokka knew it was. He glanced cautiously at Zuko, who gave an exasperated nod saying go ahead, and Sokka quickly put the pieces together, even though he didn’t really want to believe it was true. Did forgiveness have limits? Attempted murder--multiple times--might be a good limit. But Sokka would do anything for Katara, no matter how far gone she might seem. She’d done everything she could for him when he turned out to be a fucking firebender, so maybe--maybe Zuko could have forgiven Azula and maybe--just maybe--

“You knew I was in town. Where else would I be staying?” There’s no way Sokka could trust her. Even if Zuko did. 

“I had  _ hoped _ that you’d left with your insufferable sister and her annoying boyfriend, but apparently that was not the case.” Sokka wondered if Azula was capable of emoting anything other than disdain. He felt a flutter of something that had grown increasingly familiar under his ribs and pretended it was just rage.

“Katara kicked your ass once, and she’d do it again given the chance.” Sokka felt Zuko’s hand on his arm as he stood, but he didn’t back down. “Unless I get the chance first.” He grinned at the blink of surprise that earned him.

“You think you have a chance against me, water tribe? That’s cute.” 

“Azula, no--” Zuko tried to interject, but his sister held up one finger, crackling with electricity and he stopped in his tracks. “Sokka, please--” he tried, but Sokka was already eyeing the balcony and the courtyard on the other side of it.

“Oh, I don’t think,” Sokka said, “I know. What I don’t know is how anyone could trust you outside of a jail cell.” He shook his arm free from Zuko’s grip and made a dash for the doorway, shoving Azula hard as he passed by her. He heard her mutter something under her breath about how she already knew he doesn’t think, and like in a dream he heard Zuko begging to let him explain. It didn’t matter. Seizing the opportunity while Azula recovered her balance to retrieve his boomerang from under his pillow and swept the curtain to the balcony out of his way. 

“You coming,  _ princess?”  _ he called mockingly. Part of him knew that he was making a mistake, that his anger was misplaced, but part of him somehow believed that if he could just win, face down something he was afraid of without running away, then it would all be okay. When Azula leapt onto the balcony with a fistful of fire already burning blue, he felt totally justified. If it was this easy to goad her into a fight then she wasn’t stable enough to be trusted. (He didn’t dare think about what that said about him). 

He dodged the first two blasts of flame, launching himself over the balcony rail and into the open courtyard outside to dodge the third, and then deflected the fourth with his boomerang. He watched her settle into a stance. An arc of blue flame leapt towards him, and he took a deep breath. It seemed like everything was happening in slow motion. As tendrils of icy blue cast heat closer--uncomfortably close--Sokka could almost feel something in his chest snap. 

He reached his hand out to meet the arc of flame that was nearly upon him, closed his fist around it like it was rope and pulled it out of the air. It whipped behind him, and he could  _ feel  _ that the fire was alive in a way. He didn’t need to look to know that he’d shocked his opponent. He let the flames flow into his other hand, and when that hand sent the boomerang flying through the air, it was trailed by an identical shape that twisted and burned. Without waiting for that strike to land, he lashed out, every bit of anger he had fueling a veritable wall of fire that stormed towards Azula. 

She cut a gash through it with a flash of electric blue and stepped towards him, foot faltering as he stepped into a waterbending stance and willed the flame back towards him. He wore it like a coat, already hot from the adrenaline. When Katara did that, it didn’t look particularly dangerous, but Sokka’s eyes were reflecting only golden flames and desperate anger. Azula shot a few concentrated blasts at him, inching closer with a caution Sokka had never seen her exhibit before.

“Afraid of a little  _ fire?” _ Sokka grinned maniacally as he punched towards her and the blow that landed was nearly white hot. Azula pushed it aside with a sweep of blue and Sokka saw her glance towards Zuko.

“I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself, idiot!” She snarled. “You can’t learn firebending just by reading about it!”

“Since when did you care?” Sokka shot back.

“I don’t.” Azula said flatly. “But my brother--” 

Sokka glanced over to see Zuko looking on with a horrified expression haunting his face, and Sokka knew he should feel sorry for doing this, but he didn’t, and it terrified him.

Azula continued, her inflection changing just a bit, although why Sokka didn’t know “--cares, I guess,” she paused a moment as she moved swiftly, sending another burst of unnaturally blue flame towards him, “so I’m  _ invested _ , you might say.” Sokka dodged around the incoming fire to retrieve his boomerang and realized, with a bit of panic, that she was right. Even though he’d read as much as he could, he didn’t actually feel like he’d learned how to--the closest he’d been to learning anything about firebending was with Zuko, before he’d reacted like an absolute fool and challenged Zuko’s little sister to a fight he was doomed to lose. Shit.

Azula kicked multiple swathes of fire at him, and he tucked and rolled to avoid them. He tossed his boomerang at her and of course she avoided it easily. He wasn’t going to be able to hold his own without at least trying to firebend. He pushed down the panic rising in his chest, thought of glancing at Zuko and thought better of it, focusing his gaze instead on his opponent. Her movements were precise as she advanced towards him with twin blasts of fire burning hot in her hands before they came flying towards him with frightening speed. He almost didn’t have time to think, but he instinctively dove out of the way. He scrambled to his feet and positioned himself to mirror her, and then he repeated her movements, albeit with less precision. 

For a horrifying moment as he took the first step it seemed like nothing was going to happen, and then he remembered to breathe, like Zuko had told him, and fire materialized in his hands and although it was much weaker than Azula’s, he couldn’t help but grin. He almost forgot that it was  _ firebending  _ because the thrill of getting it right was overpowering. 

The battle became much more tactical over the next minutes, because Sokka just threw back whatever Azula tried to throw at him. It wasn’t pretty, whatever he was doing, but it was perfectly functional, which was clearly starting to bother Azula. Sokka tried very hard not to think of this as some kind of revenge for all the times he’d been unable to successfully fight her, or any firebender, or any bender, to be honest, but it was very much revenge. 

He was quickly reminded though, that Azula was a formidable opponent not just because of her bending, but because she had a razor sharp mind and no fear of acting ruthlessly. As fire flashed against the morning sky around them, it became clear that in spite of her earlier exclamation about her being afraid he was going to hurt himself, she didn’t seem to be holding back from trying to hurt him. Sokka, of course, decided to point this out to her, as tauntingly as possible. Just to get his point across, he did his best to prove he could do the same. He was just as shocked as she was, however, when she couldn’t block the wave of flame he sent rolling towards her. She only betrayed her shock for a moment before she regained her footing and composed herself, favoring the side that took the brunt of the blow. He heard Zuko yelling something, and he let his attention slip for just long enough to glance over to see him and miss Azula’s expression shift. 

Sokka heard, as if from underwater, Zuko yelling, “Azula! NO!” and then he noticed the lightning. All he could do was stare, rooted to the spot, as the crackling electricity flew from pointed fingertips towards him. He could feel it in the air, his hair rising and his breath gone. The bolt of lightning filled his vision. And then he was on the ground, and for a terrifying moment he couldn’t feel anything and he thought he was dead. But then he heard tell tale thunder from above, and he sat up to see that Zuko had tackled his sister to the ground. He could see their mouths moving and their expressions were furious, but his ears were still ringing too loudly to parse any of it. He tried to stand up, but his legs refused to hold him up. He blinked slowly and tried to stay conscious.

“I told you he couldn’t do it, Zuzu,” 

“But he almost did--and I think lightning is cheating. You could have really hurt him, Azula!”

“Do you really trust me so little? I wasn’t actually going to hit him, I was just going to scare him.” 

Zuko scoffed and muttered something unintelligible. 

“You’ve always been such a sore loser! Besides,” Azula was now looming over Sokka, and then offering her hand to help him off the ground, “prodigies ought to learn from prodigies, don’t you think?”

Sokka looked disbelievingly at both of them, and wondered briefly if he had fallen back asleep and this was another nightmare he’d wake up from any second now. He might have voiced that thought out loud, because Azula laughed a little. 

“Look, I know I’ve been known to be a bit of a nightmare, but I swear I’ll be an excellent teacher.” 

Sokka all of sudden felt very much awake, the ground beneath him felt way too real and the sun was way too bright. He scooted backwards, not trusting himself to stand quite yet but needing to get away. Finally he found his voice again.

“Zuko, you can’t let her--I won’t--” He cleared his throat. “Zuko, I’m only going to learn firebending--” he chokes on the word, but he can’t exactly deny it anymore “--from you.” He turned to Azula. “I don’t trust you. And don’t you dare try to imply we’re the same ever again.”

Azula abruptly turned on her heel and stormed away. Sokka hated that he flinched at the sudden movement. He also hated how loud Zuko’s silence was. Zuko was silent, even as he pulled Sokka off the ground. Sokka didn’t want to have to ask again, and he was afraid that the silence meant that the answer was no. He hadn’t gotten that answer yet though, so he kept clinging to Zuko’s arm like he was afraid he’d fall without him. An awkward silence came and went. Without speaking, they had started moving back towards the room Sokka had leapt out of--had it really only been earlier this morning? It wasn’t until they were safely back inside that Sokka let his hands drop to his side and stepped back from Zuko, but he didn’t voice his question out loud again just yet. 

Zuko tilted his head and looked, really looked at Sokka for a hard moment, and only then did he break his silence. “Do you trust me?”

“More than anybody,” Sokka responded easily. Because it was easy. “Do you trust me?” That was the hard one. He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer, but he needed it.

“Of course I do,” Zuko shook his head, as if to dispel the very notion of distrust, and then fixed his gaze like he was trying to look directly into Sokka’s soul. “You really trust me, more than anybody?”

Sokka tried not to shiver. “I do.”

Zuko sighed heavily and let his head fall back as he pushed his hair out of his face. When he turned to face Sokka again, he had regained his composure, but it was clearly the manufactured composure of a reigning monarch.

“I think Azula will be a better firebending teacher for you than I could be.” Zuko delivered this earth-shattering statement slightly to the left of Sokka, but did manage to hazard a glance at Sokka’s mouth hanging open in shock.

Behind the surprise painted on his face, Sokka’s mind was racing. His first impulse was to be angry--no, not just angry, furious--but he tamped it down to give logic a chance. Jumping to angry conclusions had not served him well today. He tried to work through every possible consideration, from the very beginning. Aang had trusted Zuko to train him, but it really hadn’t gone very well at first, and Sokka never figured out why it had changed. Maybe it was a weird avatar thing, and Zuko didn’t think he could train someone who wasn’t the avatar. Maybe Zuko still genuinely believed that Azula was a better firebender--when they were younger that had certainly been the case at least as far as precision and control, but it might not be anymore. 

Sokka was jolted out of his thoughts when Zuko spoke. “What are you thinking about? I thought you’d be angry, but you have that look on your face.”

“What look?” Sokka sounded a lot more defensive than he meant to, but he didn’t correct it. The thought occurred to him that maybe Zuko was trying to make Sokka argue his case. Maybe he had to prove he was going to be good enough to make it worth Zuko’s time.

“You know, that look you get when you’re figuring something out.” 

“What should I be figuring out?” When Zuko made no attempt at an answer, he forged onwards. “Because I thought I had it figured out. I thought I had it figured out, but nothing about this makes sense anymore! I just want to know what’s going on here, I just want to know  _ why-- _ well there are actually a lot of things I want to know why, but--I just want to know why you are willing to leave me alone with someone who just tried to  _ kill  _ me and you expect me to  _ learn  _ from her. I want to trust you, but I need to know  _ why  _ it feels like you’re using my trust as a weapon against me.” Sokka stared in disbelief as Zuko’s gaze stayed fixed on the ground and he didn’t answer right away. He started to walk away, towards where exactly he wasn’t sure, and as soon as he realized he didn’t have a destination, he stopped in his tracks. He turned around to face Zuko again. Zuko looked up and finally met his eyes.

“I know I owe you an explanation,” he began, and Sokka almost scoffed at how much of an understatement that was but let Zuko continue, “and I promise I’ll explain, but first, please,  _ please _ tell me you understand that I’m trying to do the right thing.” He hesitated a moment before continuing with a sad half smile. “I’m just really bad at it sometimes.”

“You are,” Sokka said, “And unless you get explaining, this is definitely going to be one of those times.”

The next hour or so consisted of Zuko stumbling uncomfortably through an explanation that would have sounded much more reasonable if he or Sokka had been under the influence of cactus juice. 

“Please tell me this is a poorly done joke and your real explanation is coming soon?” Sokka pleaded, cutting off another apology from Zuko. Zuko groaned.

“No, I actually, literally made a bet with my recovering-from-crazy little sister that you were a better firebender than her and if she could prove me wrong she would get to train you. In my defense, I was absolutely certain you would win, because if there’s anyone who’s smarter than Azula, it’s you. She really had changed, Sokka, I know it’s hard to believe, but I think this will be good for both of you, actually. You’ll get to learn from one of the very best firebenders in the world, and Azula will maybe finally learn some humility.” He laughed, suddenly. “I can’t wait for you to kick her ass.” 

Even though Sokka wanted to laugh along, the thought of having to explain to his family that Azula taught him firebending sent a chill down his spine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fights are harder to write than i thought they'd be! this one's a fun one, i hope yall are having a good time!!


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